get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
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