I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The adults are the big ones right?
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