we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
