Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
