I hope mine doesn't look like that
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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