I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
