it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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