So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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