I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
