If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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