If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
