I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
