im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
