I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
