halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
