I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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