ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
