We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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