Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
