No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
