when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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