The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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