I'm drive I can fine osifer
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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