Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
