you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
