Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
