We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
