margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i permit you to call me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
how does that bad decision feel?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
