I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
