You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
