I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
