We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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