You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He shit in the fireplace
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