it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am midnight drunk by noon
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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