im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Of course I have a pirate flag
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
