This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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