apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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