ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
40s are totally the cure
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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