She's JV to your varsity
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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