I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He did a backflip because drugs
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