So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
