His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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