Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
