i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
