She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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