i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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