Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
