don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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