He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i love accidental penises.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
