i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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