Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
